Pre-season fixtures for the Premier League teams ahead of the 2010-11 season

Arsenal

17 July v Barnet (A) 3pm

21 July v Sturm Graz (A) 6pm

27 July v SC Neusiedl 1919 (A) 6pm

31 July v Milan (H, Emirates Cup) 4.20pm

1 August v Celtic (H, Emirates Cup) 4.20pm

7 August v Legia Warsaw (A) 3pm

Aston Villa

24 July v Bohemians (A) 3pm

27 July v Walsall (A) 7.45pm

31 July v Feyenoord (A) 9.15pm

1 August v Benfica (A) 9.15pm

6 August v Valencia (H) 7.45pm

Birmingham City

18 July v Hong Kong League Selection Team (A) 3pm

21 July v Beijing Guoan FC (A) 7.30pm

24 July v Liaoning Hongyun Football Club (A) 8pm

31 July v Derby County (A) 3pm

3 August v MK Dons (A) 7.30pm

7 August v Real Mallorca (H) 3pm

Blackburn Rovers

10 July v Sturm Graz (A) 5pm

17 July v Fleetwood Town (A) 3pm

20 July v Preston North End (A) 7.45pm

21 July v Huddersfield Town (A) 7.45pm

25 July v Rangers (N, Sydney Festival of Football) 3pm

28 July v AEK Aens (N, Sydney Festival of Football) 6pm

31 July v Sydney FC (A, Sydney Festival of Football) 7.15pm

7 August v Hearts (A) 3pm

Blackpool

16 July v Tiverton Town (A) 7.30pm

20 July v Accrington Stanley (A) 7.30pm

22 July v Kilmarnock (A) 8pm

27 July v Crewe Alexandra (A) 7.30pm

31 July v Bristol City (A) 3pm

Bolton Wanderers

14 July v Charlotte Eagles (A) TBC

17 July v Charleon Battery (A) TBC

17 July v Bamber Bridge (A) 3pm

21 July v Toronto FC (A) TBC

23 July v Chorley (A) 7.30pm

24 July v Rochdale (A) 3pm

27 July v Curzon Ashton (A) 7.45pm

28 July v Morecambe (A) 7.45pm

30 July v Fleetwood Town (A) 7.45pm

31 July v Falkirk (A) 3pm

2 August v Johnstone (A) 7.45pm

4 August v AFC Fylde (A) 7.45pm

6 August v Osasuna (H) TBC

7 August v Barrow (A) 3pm

Chelsea

17 July v Crystal Palace (A) 3pm

23 July v Ajax (A) 8pm

1 August v Eintracht Frankfurt (A) 3pm

4 August v Hamburg (A) 8pm

Everton

10 July v Sydney FC (A) 7.30pm

14 July v Melbourne Heart (A) 7.30pm

17 July v Brisbane Roar (A) 7.30pm

24 July v Preston North End (A) 3pm

31 July v Norwich City (A) 3pm

4 August v Everton Chile (H) 8pm

7 August v Wolfsburg (A) 4pm

Fulham

14 July v Brentford (A) 8pm

17 July v Bournemouth (A) 3pm

31 July v Portsmouth (A) 3pm

Liverpool

17 July v Al Hilal (A) 6pm

21 July v Grasshopper (A) 6.30pm

24 July v Kaiserslautern (A) TBC

1 August v Borussia Mönchengladbach (A) 1.30pm

Manchester City

23rd July v Sporting Lisbon (A, New York Football Challenge) 8pm

25 July v New York Red Bulls (A, New York Football Challenge) 3pm

28 July v Club America (A) 8pm

31 July v Internazionale (A) 8pm

4 August v Borussia Dortmund (A) 8pm

Manchester United

16 July v Celtic (N) TBC

21 July v Philadelphia Union (A) 7.30pm

25 July v Kansas City Wizards (A) 5pm

28 July v MLS All-Stars (N) 6pm

4 August v League of Ireland XI (N) TBC

Newcastle United

17 July v Carlisle United (A) TBC

24 July v Norwich City (A) 3pm

31 July v PSV Eindhoven (H) TBC

7 August v Rangers (A) TBC

Stoke City

22 July v Nantwich Town (A) 7pm

22 July v Notts County (A) 7.45pm

24 July v Newcastle Town (A) 2.30pm

27 July v Derby County (A) 7.45pm

31 July v Burnley (H) 3pm

3 August v Bristol Rovers (A) 7.45pm

6 August v Wrexham (A) 7.45pm

Sunderland

17 July v Darlington (A) 3pm

Tottenham Hotspur

10 July v Bournemouth (A) 3pm

17 July v San Jose Earquakes (A) TBC

29 July v Villarreal (H) 8pm

3 August v Benfica (A) 7.45pm

7 August v Fiorentina (H) 3pm

West Bromwich Albion

20 July v Crewe Alexandra (A) 7.30pm

24 July v Bristol Rovers (A) 3pm

West Ham United

24 July v Burton Albion (A) 3pm

Wigan Athletic

20 July v Oldham (A) 7.45pm

4 August v Real Zaragoza (H) 7.45pm

8 August v Dundee United (A) 3pm

Wolverhampton Wanderers

17 July v Bohemians (A) 3pm

20 July v Walsall (A) 7.45pm

24 July v Charleroi (A) TBC

27 July v Reading (A) 8pm

30 July v Cheltenham Town (A) 7.45pm

31 July v Leeds United (A) 3pm

3 August v Hearts (A) 7pm

7 August v Athletic Bilbao (H) 3pm

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Today’s gack is slack

You don’t want to believe everything your dad tells you, readers. Abraham told Isaac he had a special treat waiting for him up Mount Moriah, Michael Jackson told Blanket Jackson that a veil was the look for artificially inseminated kids and Ricky Otto told the Mill it would grow up to be a competent journalist. So you might forgive Marouane Fellaini for scoffing today after his father, and sometime fountain fetishist, Federico, claimed Chelsea are after the Everton man. The Blues are in the market for a spot of transfer window spending after missing out on Edin Dzeko, who is off to Milan.

Dzeko will get Mathieu Flamini’s locker in the San Siro changing rooms. That’s because the Frenchman is about to join Spurs, guaranteeing years of good humoured banter whenever he takes a trip to the Emirates. Still, spare a thought for Dzeko, because Flamini is actually a qualified quantum physicist and has hidden a black hole in his locker which will transport the Bosnian back to 1959 when he opens it for the first time.

You’ll probably be wondering how Spurs are going to afford the fee for Flamini. Well, they’ll sell Roman Pavlyuchenko to Zenit St Petersburg for the ridiculously exact sum of £10.2m. Unless Birmingham get in there first and offer £10.21m. If Alex McLeish loses out on young Roman, he’ll buy Kenwyne Jones, who wants £65,000 a week in wages. And before you call Kenwyne greedy that only makes him sixty-five eightieths as demanding as John Utaka. Or thirteen-sixteenths, depending on how good you are at rounding down fractions.

The world’s second longest-running soap, Marouane Chamakh And His Transfer, looks like it’s about to draw to a close, with a move to Liverpool and a £12m signing-on fee. But that’s what they said in last week’s episode.

According to the Mirror, Arsène Wenger has beaten Everton to the signing of Bolivia’s Under-21 midfielder Samuel Galindo. Wenger celebrated by taking Galindo’s family out for “a VIP meal”. You know, one of the ones where they give you free ketchup and don’t spit in your goulash. Expect Gallindo to make his Carling Cup debut anytime in the next four years. David Moyes, meanwhile, will console himself by signing Marseille winger Hatem Ben Arfa and telling Lucas Neill he’s off to Galatasaray for £2m.

Meanwhile, Pompey have rejected Sunderland’s offer of £5m plus professional makeweight Anton Ferdinand for their defender Younes Kaboul. Striker Aruna Dindane will be on his way out of Fratton Park though. The Sun reckons Lens will cancel his loan spell at Pompey and sell him to Birmingham City.

Brian Laws’s reward for leading Sheffield Wednesday to 95th in the Championship will be the manager’s job at Burnley. Unless Sean O’Driscoll or Ivano Bonetti and a large plate of chicken get there first.

You see that Guus Hiddink? He’s going to be Juventus’s next manager.

And finally, Roberto Martínez will fashion some wings out of wax and swoop for Celtic defender Gary Caldwell; Marlon Harewood will become the new Jermaine Beckford at Elland Road, except a little bit slower; Paul Hart had a dream last night that Nigel Quashie joined QPR; Ghana midfielder Haminu Draman will join Hull on a six-month loan; and there’s someone on the media desk who sounds like Paolo Bandini but isn’t Paolo Bandini and it’s really distracting.

Transfer windowEvertonChelseaTom Lutzguardian.co.uk